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You don't have to suffer in silence!
I recently shared an experience I’ve observed over the last 3 years be heavily expressed online. It can easily be seen on many YouTube platforms created by black women for black women.
I myself don’t create much content surround around issues and choose to focus on things that make me happy, bring me joy and contribute to my growth and the growth of others.
But what happens when that growth involves shedding light on issues that affect women that walk among you everyday?
In my latest experience with sharing the experience about it the unrealistic beauty, personality, social and overall expectations of Dark Skin Black women, I was overwhelmingly met with comments that told me to stay strong, ignore etc.
That was very telling to the expression of an issue. What seemed to be happening is the silencing of a Black Woman sharing an experience and observation.
I was met with comments that directly invalided my experience, they were masked with the tone of “just don’t care” “ignore” etc.
What people fail to realize is the lack of empathy this displays. This unrealistic expectation of black women shows itself as such;
-Policing of black women (silencing BW emotionally, physically etc.)
-Verbal abuse of black women
-Public displays of disrespect towards black women
All of which is completely ignored by the masses everyday when it comes to the well being of black women. There is no healthy expectation of changed behavior (by abusers), truth telling, acknowledgement, and action to address the mental health issues that associate itself via colorist, the masculinization of Dark Skin women and the abuse that comes with it.
Why is it that we can rally for so many other issues, but continue to ignore the issues of black women?
I’m not sure how one is to ignore such issues.
Today, do I personally feel pressured to be perfect or live up to an unrealistic expectation based on the opinions of others, absolutely not. However, I can’t ignore the actual issues at hand that I and many Black, (non racially ambiguous women) have gone through in the past and still face today, unfortunately unlike others, we don’t get a pass to be emotional, having a range of emotions is out of the question and our value is measured by the strength we posed which in turn takes us right back to the association of Dark Skin women and strong masculinity.
As a mother, I will not ignore the issues my black daughter will face one day, sending her off into the world with a false reality of what is. Instead, I will build her up in who she is, while reveling to her the truth about the issues that she will observe. Even it's not being done to you, standing by and not acknowledging the issue, is a problem. So I will not, because what would the world look like for little black girls if we act like this doesn't exist. Turning a blind eye to the truth is dangerous and doesn't advocate for changed behavior so that they don't have to live in a world where they are treated like 6th class citizens.
Very rarely is the expectation for white, light and racially ambiguous women to be “strong sistahs”. Being feminine for non-racially ambiguous black women isn’t an association that’s is socially accepted and is actually invalidated.
Black women are not met with open arms when we shed tears, instead we are told to get over it, ignore it, or considered angry, overly emotional and at best only encouraged to feel rage when the abuse is being done to others and we expected and encouraged to take a stand on the frontlines fighting for others.
One of the qualities of Feminine energy is that it allows one to express a range of emotions, including those that reveal our weaknesses. This is healthy in facet because it allows you to be vulnerable, ask for help, reassurance and overall allows you to be human.
I’m heterosexual relationships with feminine women and masculine men, this energy is highly celebrated yet Black women are told not to have this range of emotions and instead or met with “ strong”.
I wonder if the association with dark skin being masculine is the reason for the silencing of dark skin black women. Similar to men we are expected to be strong; the expression of our emotions is met with the lack of acknowledgment of the actual issue.
It’s very telling that the attempted reassurance recurved is never met with “I understand” or “this is wrong” or any solution for advocacy and change, instead it’s more push on the “strong black woman” narrative. The limiting of emotions and expression has to stop. Silencing abuse has to stop.
The unrealistic expectation, invalidating and silencing of the expression of black women has to stop.
Allies, first educate yourself, and then acknowledge the issue and actually listen to the women who are expressing how they feel, wipe a tear, but DO NOT invalidate the experience.
Black women, while you don't have to internalize, it is okay to feel weak, cry, or even be angry without the fear of negative association, you are human, you are whole, you are free!
It's okay to feel and have a range of emotions, we are human. I learned that negative emotions are just a part of growth. You don't have to be happy with injustice. Give yourself time and room to grow and feel.
Check out my video on emotional intelligence and how it can help evolve you.
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Blog Author: La' Shae Alexander
Instagram: @OfficialShaeDaily
Author Instagram: @ShaeisLove
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